When I think about my tendency to over-nurture in relationships, it’s like looking into a mirror that reflects both my deepest fears and my greatest hopes. I’ve always been the kind of person who loves deeply and gives selflessly, often to the point of exhaustion. It’s as if there’s an invisible line I constantly tiptoe over, balancing between care and over-care, between love and self-neglect.
I remember a time when I stayed up all night to help a partner prepare for a job interview. I brewed coffee, crafted practice questions, and offered reassurance with every doubt expressed. In those moments, my heart swelled with purpose. Yet, beneath the surface, a quiet voice whispered: “What about you?” It was a voice I often silenced, convinced that my worth was intertwined with the well-being of those I cherished.
I’ve come to realize that this pattern of over-nurturing could very well be a trauma response. It’s like an echo from my past, where showing love meant ensuring others were happy, even at my own expense. The idea that my actions, however small, could prevent hurt and foster joy became a guiding principle. It’s a coping mechanism born from a desire to feel safe and secure in my relationships, to ward off the looming shadow of abandonment or rejection.
In this ongoing journey of self-discovery, I’ve often asked myself, “Why do I offer so much to others but so little to myself?” The answer, I think, is rooted in the longing to heal my inner child—the part of me that craves validation and unconditional love. By nurturing others, I try to fill that void, hoping to find the acceptance I once lacked.
But healing isn’t a one-way street. It’s about learning to nurture myself with the same fervor and compassion I extend to others. I’ve begun to practice setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care, reminding myself that it’s okay to step back and breathe. These are small steps, but each is a victory in reclaiming my sense of self.
So, is over-nurturing a trauma response? Perhaps. It’s a complex dance of past experiences and present realities. But this acknowledgment is empowering. It gives me the strength to change, grow, and love in a way that honors myself and others. It’s a journey, one that requires patience and resilience. And while it’s not always easy, I find solace in knowing that every step forward is a step toward healing.
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